Writing about prison is difficult for me. I think the reality of how it is versus what people think about it is drastically different.

I’ll preface all of this with an explanation of why my experience is so different than most people who have been to prison. First of all, prison is not the same as jail. Other than the fact that you are being held against your will, they have almost no similarities. State prison and federal prison are also very different. A lot of people think that the difference is the severity of the crime, but that is not the case. There are murderers and death row inmates in state prison, while there are people in federal prison for lying about how much money they make on a car application. State prison puts everyone together—from murderers to child molesters, from guys who didn’t pay child support to people who write bad checks. Federal prison is different. They have levels based on crimes. The basic levels are penitentiaries, mediums, lows, and camps. I am in a camp. To be in a camp, you can’t have a history or crime of violence, you can’t have a crime of sexual nature, and you have to have less than ten years left on your sentence. There are also other factors, but those are the main ones. In short, I am housed with non-violent drug offenders and white collar criminals.

The number one question I am asked is about how I have a phone. Phones are considered contraband, and I could certainly get in trouble for having it. That being said, I am not going to get into too many details about how I have it. What I will say is that if you put 500 men who don’t follow rules into a place with just one short fence and one guard, it’s not very hard to get things inside.

When I first got here, I didn’t have access to a phone. I spent all my time working out and playing sports. I lost 50 pounds my first 89 days in prison. Sports are huge in prison, and I have always been an athlete. I quickly became the best softball player here, and among the best at basketball and soccer. My best two friends here were on all my teams. One of them was the overall best athlete on the compound, and the two of us together made quite the team. My life was honestly fun. We enjoyed each other’s company without outside distraction. The greatest times were our flag football games. The entire compound would come out to watch us play, and the betting was crazy. Our July 4th game had thousands of dollars on it.

Currency in prison is one thing I found interesting. People use stamps to buy and sell goods. If you want a sandwich bag of cheese, it costs you five stamps. If you want a cold Mountain Dew, it costs three. Even things like haircuts or washing your clothes by hand have a price. A “book” of stamps is equivalent to about 6 dollars depending on who you get it from. There is a “store man,” “soda man,” and even a “bookie.”

Since I have been here I have only witnessed one fight. It was between two Spanish guys over what was on their television. In my unit there are two T.V. rooms. One is known as the “black” T.V. room, and the other is the “White and Hispanic” T.V. room. Racial segregation is complete in other levels of prison. There are undertones of it here, but you are still free to be friends with who you like. If a sporting event is on that I want to watch, I can go in the other T.V. room and it is fine. If I was in a high security prison, this would not be allowed. Once again, though, this is just my experience. There are guys here who don’t like how I am because I mix myself with all races. But I don’t really care what they think, and I don’t feel like I am in any danger.

Since I have been here I have seen nothing homosexual. No one is openly gay, and I haven’t been hit on or anything of that nature. As I’ve said many times, this is very different than many other people’s prison experience. By excluding people with sexual crimes and guys in prison for life, it leads to less rape and homosexual behavior.

The hardest part of prison is feeling forgotten. People who I loved the most have had to step away from me. No one comes to visit me except for my family. It is always nice to see them, but also very hard. Telling your daughter goodbye at the end of a visit is heart-wrenching. I cry every single time. I think the hardest time I had was shortly after arriving. My daughter sent me a colored picture that read “Dada, how long are you in jail for?” Knowing my daughter is in safe hands is comforting, but missing her going through life rips out my heart daily. The main reason I have a phone is so that I can call her. Having her read to me makes me feel like I still matter. Sometimes I get down because I’ve lost some people I loved, but I’ve gained new friends, and writing has really helped.

This experience is hard, but I know I will make it. Being in prison for a plant seems crazy, but everything has a purpose. I’ve been in almost a year. Time passes slowly, but with every day comes a new opportunity. I try my best to learn everything I can. This place can be depressing with everyone bitching. I get so tired of hearing complaining. In the end, we are all alive and we will all make it out, and I can’t wait for my day to show the world what I’m all about.